Counting down to 2 days before my birthday when I turned 23... I never felt the feeling of being alone until now.
Life or God or Jesus or Life has sometimes have a way of showing you that sometimes you just can't have everything in life and being 100% is not guarantee.
I remember the next following days that I always get nightmares.
I do admit I was scared of being alone, but it's a reality last year.
Whatever I felt last year that lasted for 16 months was unexplained.
I don't know.
Was it real?
Yes.
Why?
Because I felt every single emotion.
But, you know what's worse.
Pain.
And you know what's great.
Butterflies.
But which one would I want?
None. Of course.
Although I do thank Lord for giving me the chance to fall in love and what comes after that I also wanted to thank him.. because this wouldn't raise my standards and expectations more of what I want in the future and what I should do to fix myself.
So, I sat in my grandma's room that night and try to help myself I thought about the things I needed to do to get over insanity.
Insanity is when you feel like you miss somebody and you want to talk to them but you have no way of being able to because if they really want to make a move and show that they care they will..
but they didn't and I waited 8 weeks.
The worse 8 weeks of my life.
And it even landed close to my birthday and went on to Christmas to find a balance to get over things.
I mean don't get me wrong... maybe I'm the bad guy.
And yes, I had probably have done some bad things to say enough that I did deserved it...
I did deserved to get hurt.
But, I don't deserve everything.
I would or I wouldn't'.
I still try putting myself in that person who broke my heart into what they have been feeling...but I couldn't really.
I have so much questions before, but it never got answered.
I never asked. There was no point.
A no is a no for me.
