Are you lonely?
If someone ask you that question what would you say...
If by definition of loneliness is waking up in the morning and the first thing you check is if there are some things in your past that really happened, then yes.
If loneliness is heading to work at 7 am and checking your phone thinking there is a text that you've been waiting for, but you get nothing, then yes.
If loneliness is going through each day and building yourself up from yesterday sorrows, then yes.
If loneliness is going home on a Friday night and staying in while others have plans with others, then yes.
If loneliness is hearing you say goodnight, see you tomorrow, then yes.
If loneliness is a weekend with friends out on a cold evening and meeting people and always looking forward, expecting that may be she/he may be the one for you, then yes.
If loneliness is a date then it's forgetting a number, then yes.
If loneliness is heading to bed with no one to put your arms around to, then yes.
If loneliness is forgetting the feeling of kissing one's lips and feeling their warm soul, then yes.
I don't want to stay up all night with you, but I want to wake up next to you for the next year and the year after that until it's my last then that's loneliness knowing that will never happen.
If loneliness is feeling the same way as that one that left you on a cold November night inside your car wondering what you've done wrong the whole time, then yes.
If loneliness is crying while listening to your favorite song then yes.
If loneliness is sharing a memory with someone knowing that you won't be able to see places, hear a song, or watch a film without telling your friends something about her/him then yes.
Remembering it the year after that and the next, then that's loneliness.
Loneliness is not you forgetting I don't exist anymore, but it's missing me at the times when your silent with a glass of vodka mix with your favorite chaser in a room full of strangers in a party, then that's loneliness.
Doesn't it kill you knowing that the time that you could have done more will never occur anymore.
Doesn't it hurt that you could have said something other than "I can't anymore, I'm tired... I'm really not."
Doesn't it haunt you wishing you could have fight for one more day...and told yourself maybe I'm that one.
The possibility that we are so close yet so far to ever cross each other's paths, never again and never before.
But, after that knowing that we have no idea when is the next.
Star crossed lovers turned shooting stars that it fell to the ground and exploded and we are left with ashes, that's loneliness.
The moment you want to talk to somebody about me, but you come across tongue-tied as if there is nothing left to say... bottled it all and get drowned by memories, but chose to bury me every single day...that's loneliness.
Despite of it all, there is always beauty in loneliness.
The solemnity, the solitude of being alone, the silence knowing that in every battle that was fought there is no victor or sufferer...only survivors.
Survivors of a period in history where we both fought, but lost.
But there is beauty in losing, because in losing I have proven I am still a soldier of what I called "love."
A soldier that will do everything for the freedom of not one's self to be happy, but in return learned to set you free because that is happiness.
And if happiness is the equivalent of my loneliness then I hope one day you'll look back and thank me that I wish you more than one happy memory, but twice more to your way.
So if someone ask me if I'm lonely, I'll stare at their eyes and wonder if they are too...
Because that is loneliness... and that's what makes it beautiful.
