Relieving the next few days after my life changing moment wasn't really what I wanted to write about.
It was long...dull...and boring.
I just wished it would end.
I wished for my suffering to end.
But I had to go through it just like everybody else who got their heart broken.
A nightmare that doesn't end.
The days are the same and the nights are long.
I didn't have the motivation to do anything and I lost a part of me.
I was devastated and told myself I would never trust my heart again to someone who took it for granted.
I felt like I was robbed and it was just a joke.
I honestly didn't even know if that person who broke my heart has genuine feelings during the time spent together.
I felt like a fool.
I felt used.
I felt betrayed.
I felt confused.
I felt everything negative.
When something like that happens to you, you couldn't even reflect what was going on.
One day you blame yourself, the next your blaming the situation and then the day after that you are blaming that person for doing that to you.
I guess there wasn't any good timing anyways.
They can just decide to cut you off whenever they felt like it, or when they were ready.
I hate surprises.
Well, that was the worse surprise of my life.
I used to think it wasn't a lesson, just something good that turned out to be bad.
Now I think it's a lesson... so next time I wouldn't give myself 100%.
I wouldn't trust 100% more.
I would based my attraction using my head not my heart or use it equally.
I would base it on people's actions rather than their words.
I can go all day...
I felt like it was just an icing on the cake for life next time.
I mean I still got a lot to learn and places to go and people to meet.
So, I realized...one setback shouldn't make me feel bad...
I really hated myself for awhile thinking I'm not good enough...
But I realized a lot of things about myself after that..
