As I try to recall what had happened to me during this day I kind of left of my blogging with just working.
I've been having a lot of "me" or down time at home joggling from watching videos or movies to reading books that I have bought lately in order for me to save money for my future adventures.
I think this is the way to single life, everything is back to normal.
Anyways, as I remember I'm here to finally talk or type down what had happened to me during that day and as far as I remember it just like yesterday I was able to recollect that faithful night that change again my perspective 180 degrees.
It all started with the phone call and text messages I got the night before when I was drained from my snowboarding session with my group of friends the day before.
I came home and literally was just exhausted at 9 in the evening and just about this close to passing out.
I remember I got invited to go to a birthday party... Marc P.'s birthday party. (Considering were not even that close to be honest, but I couldn't make it because I was just drained).
I woke up the next day and saw a few almost alarming messages from a used to be special someone in my life... it was that person's friends.
They worried about you and concerned that you weren't being yourself based on the posts you've been putting out on one of your social media.
I was at the point where I almost felt like you were going to make a move, but I know you wouldn't... that's just not you.
Anyways, I phoned both of your friends and I listened to what they have to say and they told me everything... I won't lie I miss you that bad during that time, but that was your decision not mine I always tell myself and I respect you for that.
Later, I made plans to meet your 2 best friends and catch up with them and I brought along with me one of my trusted friend which is Ate Len.
We ate at Hudsons' that night and talked about your or the possibility of being able to talk to you.
Wow! I should have known you didn't even have the guts in you to do all of this... you really are the type of person who doesn't put much effort for someone who claims they love somebody.
Anyways, your friends manage to get you out of the house in your pajamas and manage to talk to me inside my car while they were outside having coffee...
I really give one of your closest friends props for being such a trooper for connecting me back to you and putting more effort than the person who I thought I knew.
Man, the more I seem to remember you the more I remember someone who never really tried.
But, oh well. Who am I to judge I learned that after a year there are just some people who are mot meant to be a part of your present and if that will make me a better person who I am today then I'm learning a lot.
The first thing I asked you is: "Why did you cooled me off?|
Did you honestly think I believe your answer... Nope. Did I try to fight it and found out more no... not really what's the point of beating a dead bush.
I should have known... but I was controlled by my emotions thinking that I missed you so much.
I guess, missing a person a lot can affect your way of thinking and realizing there are just some things that are better left unsaid.
The answer that I got was: "What's the point of being in a relationship if it's not bound to make it till the end anyways."
So, why did you decided to play with my feelings because mine was real...but I have no regrets.
I'm not even angry or upset or bitter anymore... there are just a lot of things in life to get busy too and thinking about you shouldn't affect me that much but I did let it, but now I realize it's not that big of a deal.
That's the most accurate reason you can come up with and really who am I to go against that.
We ended the night with the term "starting over".
I mean What the Fuck is starting over again if you have history with someone?
Is it like pretending we didn't even have history or is it trying to fix something that is not even fixable?
What the fuck.
I don't even try to think about these too much because when I remember you I remember someone who confused the hell out of me after believing I actually love someone.
I did love you, I really did.
I even opened up the deepest parts of me that will take someone years to figure me out.
Looking back from two years ago I'm just mind blown.
I have nothing really to say, I guess I was contented that night we are finally talking after 7 weeks of not talking, but I should have known na pinaasa mo lang ako.
Oh well, I think being single I'm in a position where I can just say I'll just keep investing all the time that I put on more to become a better me and for all the mistakes I made to learn from it.
Until now it's still a mystery as to what happened to us, but who am I to complain sometimes in life you get answers and other times it's best you don't.
Or it's better you just don't.
