Currentwallpaper: Toronto.

Toronto II Feb.2016

Dundas II YYZ

Currentwallpaper: SF

Take me back to SF.

Addicted to being a traveler.

Life is meant to be live in your own rules...

Forget what others have to say about you...

Just do you.

Day 65 of 365: (A late entry for March.6.2014)

And since I'm on a roll tonight with the thoughts in my head... I believe it's only right to do another entry before I go on another break.

Here is a quote that I found online:

"You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with...choose carefully."

Choices have to be made and I think up to this point I'm glad I did.

If I had to stay in a toxic form of relationship whether it be friendship or more than that I think I'm old enough to make a decision that is life changing.

For people who didn't get it or thought I was being selfish the moment I turned 25 due to the choices I had made all I ask is for you to respect it as I have respect the choices that you have made for yours... whether yours was uncalled for or lousy or you do  for me.

Don't worry, I'm not going to condemn you for all the wrongs as I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a tirade of backlash for everything that I have done as well.

In life you ought to know sometimes there are just relationships that aren't healthy anymore... whether it is your fault or mine is it doesn't matter anymore.

I don't ask for your understanding or forgiveness nor do you expect to apologize because you are hurt, you've hurt me too.

I sometimes wonder why I'm not friends with the same mutual friends we had, but then I realized and come to a conclusion that I thought I was in good terms with certain people but I think it had been tainted due to what you have perceived about me.

I'm not going to blame you for it, the damaged was done and the people I knew first before you became close with have no more connection with me since they have decided to let me go... that is also fine.

The reason why I wanted to deactivate a few of my social media accounts is due to the added tension/ drama of people that we are/were both connected and I just don't have it in me anymore to see your/ their posts/comments and how blatantly and very obvious that things had changed and I am suddenly a stranger.

I don't want to be immature about it but you are one of the many reasons why I dislike one particular social media.

And as a lot of things come to a close.... 

There are probably things that will come to a close...

10 more months to left in this new year. 

Halo halo.

Day 64 of 365: (A late entry for March.5.2014)

Shall I talk about what's going on inside my head right now or what was going inside of my head the last couple of months...

Sighs.

I might as well.

I have accepted that in life everything is temporary and nothing is long lasting.

I used to believe when friends tell me they are there no matter what, but the moment something happens you'll really know who's going to be there and who's only there for a season.

I may have forcefully avoided or drifted from some friends, but only because they gave me a reason not to trust their actions anymore.

I'd consider people friends, but I think "close" is a difficult term to put before the word friend when people's actions rather are different than their words.

It dawned on me during the end of November that there are just some people that no matter how much I try not to put malice on their actions had proven that sometimes the choices that they make does not only affect them but the rest.

I thought about explaining before how I felt, but knowing certain person/people it's just going to backfire so I decided to just not focus on myself.

Unfortunately, the bond is weak and I've noticed it ever since I left for an adventure that I chose to do so when I told myself  once I turned 25.

I also wanted to address the fact that I'm not blind to see about how much things have changed ever since November.

I noticed that already the first week of the month.

But, as the saying goes what goes around comes around... when the same treatment was given to you and you decided to ignore the signs and just do you... there is always that someone who gets offended because now they know how it feels to be treated the same way that they had just done to you before.

I decided to keep my sanity and to avoid that emotional stress in my life I just kept to myself. 

I noticed how things changed, I'm not blind.

I had to shut certain forms of my social media in order not be an immature person who is bitter.

But best believe it the game growth is strong with or without the individuals I used to call as friends before.

Sometimes it's not the quality of friendship that deems reliable, but the intentions of the individuals you hang around with will always reflect as to who they are really.

And sometimes you can't help them anymore... they already know what they did and the hole had been dug too deep already...

I'm saying this because as part of being honest on my entries as form of  therapy this is how I felt during the last 2 months.

I'm going to let it go because I've already come face to face with the issue that there is no point opening it up or bringing up the past with that person/people.

I have move forward and I will continue so alone.

More photos during Christmas 2013 season.

I would definitely be honest and say I've only kept contact with three people in this pic.

Things happened that sometimes we cannot go back to the way we used to be before.

Day 63 of 365: (A late entry for March.4.2014)

2  years behind on my entries and a lot of things had happened in my life.

If you are still keeping up with me up to this point... I want to say one thing: MY GROWTH GAME IS STRONG.

I will not let a certain person, memory or thought belittle me.

And if you really are keeping up with me in just a week and a half you will see what I'm talking about.

If you are keeping up with me in the most convenient way of platform in our generation then you will know what I'm trying to imply.

Moving forward it's only right to bring up two photos from 2013 that I have not uploaded...and perhaps will never be.

Every Christmas is different and every year is different... I'll leave you with that...

Day 62 of 365: (A late entry for March.3.2014)

I have been busy that I have nothing to say other than I hate when I get hit by memories from the past.

I hate resorting back to the old me.

I hate dwelling and feeling miserable.

I hate making myself feel like the biggest downer in this planet.

I wish I can just have clarity over some things I couldn't face a couple of years ago.

I have something to say but I have no idea how to start other than... I want to make peace so I can go on with my life already...

Day 61 of 365: (A late entry for March.2.2014)

Finishing a weekend roadtrip by heading to one of the most famous sights in Alberta which is: Lake Louise.

This was the view from sunshine ski. I can`t remember if I took this photo the day before or the day after.

Lake Louise on -40 weather on March.

We out here on a -40 weather and I`m trying to crack a smile. LOL. 

Good luck to me.

Ate Jeremmie and Anele.

Sun was out, somehow.

The infamous emotera pose of mine.

I have a summer and I also got to have a winter.

Day 60 of 365: (A late entry for March.1.2014)

I woke up to a brand new month of the third day of the month of 2014 in a bright sunny day and I'm ready to take on the mountains.

Lift ride on our way up to the mountains.

Second selfie going up to the mountains just showing off my Volcom balaclava 

The view from the lift.

Made it to the top.

Ate Jeremmie and Joan.

Third selfie because I made it on top of the mountain on -30 weather.

Ate Jeremmie.

2nd lift ride.

Priceless view of Good ol Canadian rockies.

A small excerpt from my IG:

Smiling self for the month of March.

Sad to say goodbye to snowboarding season.

As I found a new kind of sanctuary and peace with winter, unfortunately I have to wait again till next winter season.

This photo was taken at sunshine snowboard and ski village where I got the chance to experience boarding outside Edmonton.

This is definitely one worth winter sport/hobby I will continue to do.

One thing I learned this month: Rush.

Enjoy the rush that life brings and learn to get up when you fall down.

Learn to balance when you ride the board just like life.

Learn to steer at whatever obstacle runs hit you.

Keep going.

Bye March!

Mother nature had been miserably cold, but you brought warm and sunshine somehow.

100.

Good ol view of the mountain, while saying good morning to my weekend.

A photo of our way down the hill. Finally braved a really nasty weather and snowboarding at the same time.

Harutan moments when finally reached warm temperature.

A bromance.

After that snowboarding trip, pasensya na... medyo feeling modelo lang.

WHY?

Because it's hot springs time! :)

I won't be able to upload the other photo because masyado naman akong feelingera kaya eto na lang yung not the uncut version of my wannabe modelling career. 

LOL.

Si Joan yung kasama kong mag modelling that night bago kami nahuli ni Kuya Paolo because the bathroom has no lock. smh.

Total fail.

2 clips I found on my phone:

A few photos taken from my friends`phones:

My snowboarding gear.

The so called winter essentials.

Junbelle and I, because we matched.

Ate Jeremmie, Anele and Kuya Paolo.

Day 59 of 365: (A late entry for February.28.2014)

A throwback moment was ending the month of February and heading for a short road trip to the mountains for a weekend of snowboarding.

As I recall, I think I've worked 10-11 days straight to get a 3 days off with this trip.

The first photo shows our boards.

The second photo shows (Ate Dianne, me and Ate Jeremmie).

We were all wearing Jane's souvenir for us from Palawan, Philippines.

The weather also dipped down to -30 to -40 that time.

We are crazy I know. LOL.

Day 58 of 365: (A late entry for February.27.2014)

I can feel big changes coming in the new year.

I can feel adventures coming in this 2016.

I can feel growth and I'm welcoming it wholeheartedly.

Stay tuned because if I do it right... there will be two trips happening for me this coming 2016.

I'm not planning on telling where... but I'm lining up my goals and ever since my adventure to San Francisco I'm in an ultimate high to travel because life is short and why not do it before I hit thirty.

So, I told myself that before thirty that I should have been to 10 places in the U.S and then other countries and possibly more.

But, that's all I'm going to say for now. 

It will definitely be a grind year next year and life had just gotten tougher with big changes happening with my career, but I'm also welcoming that.

It's time for changes as always.

Lastly, there is not lastly... because stay tuned...

Currentwallpaper: Own it.

Next time we fuck, I don't wanna fuck I wanna make love.

Next time we talk, I don't wanna just talk, I wanna trust.

Next time I stand tall I want to be standing for you, and next time I spend I want it all to be for you...

Photo credit: N.Sta Cruz

Day 57 of 365: (A late entry for February.26.2014)

I've been away for about a week...

I haven't touched on my entries when I'm supposed to...

But, the great news is I'm back from my adventure of this year and welcoming the new year.

I have a lot of things that I want to talk about during my trip that I hope I get to in time.

I've always wanted to surprise my friends and eloped.

I did only told about 4-5 people as to where I'm going this year, but to make it fair I've realized that I'm doing this for me and if people don't understand that or are having negative feelings about it... all I can say is life is too short to carry those negative vibes... I'm just done dealing with it.

New year, new goals and new learned version of me.

You guys may ask why I have a photo of a pair of Toms up right now...

I supposed it's only fair to at least talk about it.

I felt the need to get it off my chest as it is part of my growing experience to accept life as to what it is now and what it was back then.

It's never a secret how I felt about certain things in life and even though I'm not open to my parents especially...I do find love universal.

The shoes...I was supposed to give as a present to a special person in my life during my trip from the states...unfortunately because of superstitions... I never gave it.

I ended up selling them.

The bottomline is if you ever buy shoes and decided to give it as a gift to a person as per the superstition... you are supposed to ask for any change as exchange for the shoes being given.

Otherwise, if you don't... the person will walk out of your life.

The problem is I never gave the shoes... She still walked out of my life.

So superstition or not... your destiny is not decided by an object.

Well, for that matter... I wish her all the best in life.

Moving forward.

I wanted to vent out in particular over something that sometimes irritates me, but I want to keep it short.

Life is short.

Life is short to let people's emotions get the best of you.

I really dislike when people are like that.

I'm just over it.

I always tell myself that I'm the driver of my own emotions.

You want to hang out with me, cool let's do it.

You ignore me, that's fine with me too.. understandable we all have our own lives.

You don't want to reply, that's fine.

You want me to persuade you into hanging out... not gonna happen. If you say NO, I'll accept it... I just don't like asking twice anymore.

Don't talk to me for a couple of weeks that's cool with me too... not upset or anything but just don't repeatedly point to my face the same thing you do.

Pointing out about plans changing... hey, life happens. Get over it.

And I'm not really that forgetful I just don't have the ounce of energy in me anymore to argue over something I really didn't say or do.

If I disappoint you, well I'm not the only one, I've been disappointed by numerous people to and so are you... so don't patronize one person over something that you had done as well in the past. 

Sighs.

Besides, what's the point. Life is short.

You still want the connection do so, you don't that's fine.

I've lost so many friends in life that I've reached a point in my life where I just want to do me now.

I have goals in my head that I want to do by the age of thirty and sulking over a friend or couple friends that are sometimes on their feelings over me is really straining... I just don't want it. 

Well, the only thing I'll say is: LIFE IS SHORT. GET OVER IT.

Currentwallpaper: Guardian Angel.

She's special like that.

18 months with this wild beast.

Day 56 of 365: (A late entry for February.25.2014)

Saying goodbye.

Starting anew.

But, not really.

After cutting my old visa card. I decided never to use another one.

Day 55 of 365: (A late entry for February.24.2014)

Sorry.

Sorry is a word that you don't often hear.

The apology that we all want loud and clear.

To hear it over and over again.

 It's overused and it made no sense...

 It does and it doesn't.

 Numerous times had it been used to mean something that is ignored.

I said sorry, you tell me: "I'm sick of hearing it."

You only hear what I said, but didn't listen very well.

I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired.

Lean your head against my shoulder then...Rest.

You are heaven, but I became your hell.

I yelled in silence, but you are deaf.

I meant it, but you still left.

I'm exhausted you replied.

I could have done more if you didn't think I lied.

The drive home felt more than an hour.

It poured that summer night, the raindrops got louder.

My eyes got heavier, I can't stop it.

Teardrops.

Love.

Teardrops.

Hate.

Teardrops.

Disappointment.

Teardrops.

Hurt.

Teardrops.

Resentment.

Teardrops.

Forgiveness.

Teardrops.

Hello.

Teardrops.

Goodbye.

Sorry, I apologize.

I wanted to for awhile.

I couldn't.

I can't be friends with you.

Pause.

I read it.

And again.

Finally.

I'm closing my chapter.

I sat outside, lean against the white door.

Shed another tear.

Beat another ache.

 You were just a few pages written, I'm leaving you behind... She said..

"Don't.I typed silently.

Erase.

Never mind.

Type again.

Backspace.

Forget it.

What's the use.

To me you are more than a book.

A beautiful story I'd looked back to.

Where is the ending?

I'm lost.

I'm confused.

A page is missing.

Ripped apart.

Blown by the wind?

Selfish.

Carried away by force.

 To talk to a stranger that was once a friend.

We don't have anymore time.

We'd rather let it eat us alive.

But, I'm not dead yet.

Thank the world, 'fore the sun sets.

The opportunity is timeless.

Sun shines through the horizon...Wishes.

If I can't, at least accept, broken pieces.

Heart.

Red.

Heart.

Blue. 

Heart.

White.

Heart.

Black.

She turns gracefully, she had given me a second chance.

Earth said, follow.

Get up.

Stand up.

Crawl.

Walk.

Run.

Then, you'll be OK.

Sorry, you won't hear it.

I request .

Give it.

Day 54 of 365: (A late entry for February.23.2014)

That one time I visited Ate Dianne's house with Raymon.

Fortune cookies are such a treat especially when they say something very positive.